TL:DR: WASH YOUR ****ING HANDS AND INVEST IN A BIDET
It's kinda impossible to ignore what has easily been one of the most seismic events in recent world history with what's been going on the past week or so. Not many things can bring the entire sports world (traditional AND eSports) to a near complete, absolute halt and send the stock markets are a roller coaster that makes the Texas Giant look like your local carnival kiddie coaster. Novel Coronavirus, moreso known as COVID-19, as of the time of this writing has ensnared the entire world in a global pandemic, with some countries like Italy and Greece taking extreme measures to try and stop the virus from overpowering their healthcare systems, others like Britain essentially saying "f*** it, let it run its course" (No seriously, that's essentially their plan, citation at the bottom), and then there's the good old United States, where we're so comically far behind the curve on testing you can't help but laugh and think in some cruel way we probably deserve this.
Alas, if you really wanted to get really doom and gloomy about this, there's easily a plethora of other legitimate news articles for you to do that in. Here in Ogre Chronicle, we're going to try to laugh the pain and fear away and have some morbid fun with it all by talking about some of the ridiculous shit that's been happening over the course of this crisis, and I just simply had to start with this.
DRINKING CORONAS WILL NOT INFECT YOU WITH CORONAVIRUS YOU KNUCKLE-DRAGGING NEANDERTHALS
Defying all possible human logic and forming a singularity of stupid so powerful it could power a small city, some people genuinely came to the conclusion that you could come down with the virus by drinking Corona. This caused their company's stock to absolutely crater, even compared to the relative cratering of the stock market as a whole . The fact I share a planet with people who unironically held this belief at any point in time fills me with incomprehensible amounts of dread and makes the darker side of my mind think in a way we were asking for it in some way.
Defense so good he shut the entire league down
And speaking of asking for it, in what should easily be the GOAT entry in Shaqtin a Fool until the heat death of the universe, Rudy Gobert ended up being the first major sport athlete to contract the virus after explicitly tempting fate by RUBBING HIS HANDS ALL OVER THE PRESS ROOM MICS/RECORDERS.
Aspiring attempts of bio-terrorism aside, Gobert isn't even a bum by any means, he's a Defensive Player of the Year winner and reigning All-Star. Him getting sick was likely the major domino that caused these leagues to go from "Maybe we can play in empty stadiums?" to "NOPE" in record time. At the same time, come ON man what are you DOING?? Maybe its the germaphobe in me I get from my mother but even if Coronavirus wasn't a thing, stuff like that is just begging to come down with some sort of sickness. He even got his teammate Donovan Mitchell sick with it, and while he doesn't outright say it in his Instagram post addressing the situation, reading between the lines you can tell is contempt towards him is palpable. Can't exactly blame him either when his antics potentially got the league shut down.
As I'm sure you've likely seen if you've visited your local supermarkets anytime the past week, people have predictably been hoarding (to a comically excessive degree) all sorts of supplies, namely toilet paper and hand sanitizer (Fun fact: Hand Sanitizer does nothing to viruses, only bacteria) . To me this is slightly baffling, if you're gonna be potentially stuck indoors for weeks on end, you'd think the first priority would be to secure food and canned goods and the like no? This may be an alien concept to people but there was a time humans managed to exist without toilet paper. In fact, in many other third world countries this is still the norm. This is also a prime opportunity to brag on one of the more underrated inventions in human hygiene: The Bidet. The wonderful compromise when you're still feeling dirty down there after wiping but don't wanna take an entire shower to get rid of that feeling. You also won't have to look like a kleptomaniac psycho buying 30 packs of toilet paper in public
Bask in its majesty
On the other hand I can't entirely fault some people for this kind of behavior. This is an outright surreal event the likes we've rarely seen on this scale. Other contagious diseases like Swine Flu, H1N1, or Ebola didn't have nearly the spread factor to bring the entire world to fullblown pandemic status. While some may want to downplay the seriousness of it, out of either ignorance or more selfish purposes, this disease is nothing to be taken lightly.
The fatality rates across the board are significantly higher than that for the flu, especially for the more elderly and the immune-compromised. As much as my parents drive me crazy, I'm not ready to see them go, so I'm going to take every possible precaution I can to shield myself so I don't potentially spread it to them. Thankfully I'm a naturally introverted person, so staying inside for an extended period of time sounds grand to me. I know many of my friends who're more the social butterfly types will struggle greatly in a time like this, but you'd be surprised just how much an extended period of time out of your comfort zone will help you grow as a person. Take care everyone, and hopefully I see you all on the other side of this pandemic happy and healthy.
(Citation for British Response to Coronavirus: https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/boris-johnson-is-taking-a-gamble-with-his-coronavirus-strategy)
(Citation for COVID-19 Statistics: https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/coronavirus-death-rate/)
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